I Always Choose Dessert.

Whenever you’ve just finished a delicious three course meal with an entree the size of your face or engorged yourself on everything available at the family cook out – there always comes that pesky little question at the end of your meal: would you like dessert?

In a restaurant setting I more than likely will say no, as I am already full and quite frankly I’m a cheapskate. But in those rare situations when dessert just appears on the table, like when my brother orders one and they bring out five spoons or at that family cookout when dessert is just as plentiful as the hot dogs and hamburgers, it becomes a matter of will power. Yes, I am full, stuffed, muy muy llena, but damn do those Oreo truffles look delicious! You know in the moment that the opportunities to have your aunt’s famous blonde brownies come few and far between and more often than not, we make “room for dessert”.

There is something guilty about giving in to these small pleasures because we know we might feel awful afterward. And of course, this is how I lead my love life. I cannot stress enough that I don’t do the one-night-stand thing, but the one night random make-out session on the dance floor – that happens often enough – bringing us to the story of D.

D is a friend of mine from the restaurant I used to work in (the same restaurant where I met Cedro). As of late I have been working a shift or two a week there for some extra cash. I have been fortunate enough to avoid the devilish Cedro, but have in turn reunited with the other sexy Colombian server – that being D. There are very few people who I would describe as charming, but D is most certainly one of them (this of course worries me because I also think my psychotic ex-roommate is very charming when you first meet her). When he talks you want to listen, when he walks you want to watch. His entire persona screams charm in your face, but I know more than he thinks and I question his integrity.

Sometime within the past 6 months or so that I hadn’t seen him, D got out of his two year relationship. So he’s single – on the market – cool, but I know a secret juicy enough for Gossip Girl to leak – D cheated with one of my best friends.

It was nearly a year ago, back in October at a house-warming party one of the bartenders was throwing. If you’ve been following closely enough you’ll remember me mentioning this party in “The Most Recent Asshole”, it was the shit-show party where Cedro and I drunkenly got back together after a seemingly torturous week of being broken-up. Another mistake made that night was D making the moves on my dear friend, Leanne. She told him to stop, that they shouldn’t be doing this, but he leaned in to kiss her some more. They’ve never mentioned it to one another. I have no idea if he fessed up to his girl, or if he even remembers doing what he did, but since that night I have always questioned his seemingly respectful personality and wondered if it was all an act.

Within recent weeks, when we have worked together, I got the feeling that he was flirting and this past Friday he asked me to come out for drinks for his birthday. Of course going out with people from the restaurant was not on the top of my to-do list as I try to avoid any situation that may involve alcohol and Cedro, but I told him I’d try to make an appearance at the end of the night. I toyed with the idea, knowing it was a bad one; getting involved with another server at the restaurant probably isn’t the best idea, but there’s just something about him and like those delicious blonde brownies, I knew the moment and opportunity could be fleeting. So I went. He asked me to dance. We made out on the dance floor. And it was lovely.

The problem is, when I turned my back for a moment or two, he managed to find another girl to dance with and kiss. Sure, do what you want, I’m not your girlfriend, but isn’t that a bit disrespectful? I tried to give him a free pass, excusing it because it was his birthday and because he was very very trashed, but past events have made me wonder if I can really let this slide. He’s been texting a bit, as he chased me out of the bar when I left asking me if he’d see me again, there is clearly interest, but I find myself in that same situation where my subconscious is asking me – would you like dessert? You know eating it might not end well, but it just looks so delicious – doesn’t it?

The Five Couples You Meet in College.

The Non-Labelers.

Like the bags we once saw on Canal Street, these couples are almost as good as the real thing. The non-labelers have all the rules of a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, without the title. No hooking up with other people. No dates with other people. I have feelings for you, you have feelings for me. But it’s nothing serious because we don’t use the B word or the G word. These couples come in different shapes and sizes, but they are a step above your typical hook-up buddies. Everyone knows they’re together and each person is basically off the market, but they can still have the privilege of running around saying “well, I’m not in a relationship.”

The Invisibles.

Invisible couples are typically happy, yet dependent couples. They’re the couples that make us say “Oh, well he/she is probably with so-and-so today anyways” when we forget to invite them on our day trips to the beach with ten of our closest friends. The invisible couple spends every waking moment with their significant other, checks in with him or her before making plans, and if they ever do make an appearance, they’re almost certainly going to be together.

The Much-Too-Visibles.

I HAVE THE BEST BOYFRIEND EVER – should almost never be your Facebook status. The much-too-visibles are the couples that want the whole world to know how in love they are, how happy they are, and how beautiful their babies will be. These are the couples who Instagram photos of them kissing as if you haven’t seen it a billion times before. Though at times, adorable, these couples are most often obnoxious.

The Champions.

“We’re the best couple.” Different from the much-too-visibles in that the champions may or may not be as disgustingly in love as the much-too-visibles, but it doesn’t matter, because they’ve been together the longest and they never-ever fight. Champions, I would hope, are few and far between, but if you meet one, you will know when you hear them celebrating – “Look at that, we won baby, we’re the BEST couple.”

Ken & Barbie.

Ken & Barbie broke up back in 2004, but have been happily back-together since Valentines day 2011. Let’s face it, they belong together. The Ken & Barbie couple is the couple you almost forget is a couple. They go hand-in-hand and their names almost begin to mush together into one long word – i.e. Brangelina. They’re the couple that you’re so used to seeing together, so used to being around, that you would be eating ice-cream straight from the carton if they broke up.

More importantly: